Over the last few years, it's definitely been a learning curve. Life doesn't come with a manual unfortunately, so I just have to wing it and hope for the best. I didn't realize how truly unhappy I have been. I don't know that one particular thing ever sparked it, but it's been a downhill slide since. My eyes have been opened. I can't promise there won't be bad days, but I can promise that it's all worth it. I still have my moments, (cough yesterday cough) but it's getting better.
I have extremely high expectations out of people. I'm guessing it's too extreme, because I am often let down. There's a quote I heard somewhere, something like "Just because people don't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have." I suppose that is true. Every person has their own definition of love. If you're lucky enough to find someone that understands yours, then it's all worth it in the end.
I've also heard "when people seem the most unlovable, that's when they need it the most." and that one definitely rings true in my life. I have made some mistakes, some I'm not too proud of. I can't take them back or change them, but I can change the future. There are days when I want to throw in the towel. Those have been more often than not, at the moment. I'm not giving up.
I'm starting a new job on Monday. I'm a little excited, but I am also pretty nervous. It's going to be totally outside of my comfort zone. It's a temporary contract job for about 3 months. It has the potential to go longer, but no guarantee. It works for me, because it gives me time to figure out what I'm gonna do while I get paid!
I have had several interviews with other sleep labs, but most have been out of the area. I had one this morning, that I am quite hopeful for. It went well, and I will be having a second interview the first of the week. I think a change of scenery, somewhere where I know very little, and can essentially start over, would be best for me.
I would like to have my partner by my side, but the fact is I don't know what will happen with all that. I'm not going to go into too much with that right now. That's another day. Today is a good day, and I'd like to keep it at that.
We have had such beautiful weather, even with it being a little more chilly, it is still nice out. No more rain, please! My yard is growing fast, and I really need to get that taken care of before it's a pain to even try to mow.
I'm working on self reliance.... it's getting difficult! But I can do this!
