Vent

I am filled with mixed emotions right now. Yesterday was a pretty rough day, and I'm not so sure the rest of this week will get better.

JR's Grandma Rose is in the hospital. She recently moved to a new retirement apartment in Lenexa. She has Alzheimer's and was declining rapidly. Her son, Danny shared a house with her. He had a series of strokes and was put in the hospital and a rehabilitation center (which conveniently is in the same retirement community as Grandma Rose). The family felt that moving her and Danny there would be best for her. Which is how we acquired the house. We were to move in and take care of it and are in the process of buying it. (We have a waiting period due to SSR and probate)

They recently found out a few weeks ago that she had skin cancer. It was several layers deep and would require surgery, but that was about all they could offer for it right now. She just retired and stopped working 3 years ago, She is 84 I believe. She had surgery Monday morning to remove the cancer. They got what they believe to be all of it, and gave her a stunning glowing report. Monday evening she had a stroke.

I don't really understand sometimes... why we have to go through the things we do just to live life. Why allow her cancer to be taken care of but yet suffer from a stroke?

She is very confused and disoriented at times, and doesn't understand why she is in the hospital. Lucidness at times lasted less than five minutes. She at one point last night, got very upset and was confused as to "why all these people were in her house and wishes everyone would leave her alone". It broke my heart to see her this way. Not to mention for my MIL who has to deal with it, and hear some of the awful things like how she doesn't love her and hates her and she is mean for doing this to her. I know it's because she is confused and isn't in her right mind, but I am sure it still hurts!

I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I feel incredibly helpless, especially for JR - He isn't one to really share his emotions and feelings much, and I know he is struggling dealing with this too.

My friend Becky (a super sweet supportive girl I've met through the nest, and was my TTC buddy) and her husband Adam are struggling with a very important decision. Becky is 20 weeks pregnant, and they recently found out they were expecting a baby girl. They have named her Addison. They also recently found out that she has a heart problem. One that doesn't offer a very high quality of life. They have to make a decision to go through with the pregnancy which could mean years of painful surgeries, poor quality of life, and heartbreak. Or to terminate the pregnancy, and suffer heartbreak of losing a little girl that they have been waiting so patiently for.

To me, that is the worst kind of decision you'd ever have to make. I can't even imagine.

My friends Bill and Tera suffered infertility for years, and were finally blessed with a baby after 7 years of trying. We are awaiting the birth of little miss Ayla Rose as we speak!

There's just so much going on in our lives right now that definitely makes me question why things are the way they are. It's also allowed for JR and I to talk openly about different situations and how we feel about them. Which is kind of nice because it puts perspective on a lot.

JR and I came up with a plan. I have been contemplating Gastric Bypass surgery for multiple reasons. Part of which because I have tried and failed miserably at losing weight, and because we also suffer from infertility. Statistics show after a year (where its the healtiest) women with infertility were able to have a chance at conceiving a child. Right now, we want nothing more than to become parents. We have discussed it, and I am going to pursue the surgery. Which means there is a long hard road ahead, and I'm just starting out, this may or may not happen for me. We have decided it would best to try and if it gave us a chance at pregnancy, then we would wait a year and a half before actively trying again. We also discussed by the age of 30, if we are unable to get pregnant, that we may look into adoption.

While I'm scared with all the challenges we face and I may face regarding weight loss surgery and health wise. I also know that something rewarding could be waiting for me.

I have such a heavy heart right now, but I know in time things are a part of a bigger plan. I'm just waiting to discovery where my place is in this and to get started.

J.R.'s Birthday

We were able to go out for J.R.'s Birthday. I talked him into to deciding to go somewhere we wouldn't normally go (mainly because we ALWAYS go to the same restaurants and it was his birthday, lets do something special!) so we went to Cinzetti's (if you aren't from KC, it's an italian buffet type). He enjoyed it, but I was rather disappointed with a few things. I am wondering if my tastebuds just aren't as good as they used to be. I told J.R. last night that I always try some of the desserts knowing that they weren't very good the last time, I guess just hoping it changes! lol. We were going to go see a movie, but the one he wanted to see didn't start til real late and he had to be up early this morning.

We had a really good talk on the way home. We came up with a plan for the next two years regarding a few specific things. I will divulge into that later. It made me really confident about life and about our marriage.

I don't really have too many plans for today, other than cleaning house. It needs it, and we are having company on Wednesday after my staff meeting. My best friend from up home is coming down with her daughter (she's about 9 months old) for a dr's appt and I invited them (and her boyfriend and his friend) over for supper. We are planning on grilling.

Thursday I am hoping to go take a look at a vehicle that I really want to buy, and hoping I am able to. We will see.

I work Thursday Night, but it should be a pretty easy night as only one patient. Then the next two days we have the annual KASP meeting for sleep technicians. (It's like a seminar thing, where people gather to "learn" more and catch up on continuing education, it'll be nice to see some faces from old employment sites that I haven't seen in awhile)

Sunday we are planning on staying at Argosy Casino's hotel. I hope to get a massage or pedicure out of this deal! lol. We got a certificate for a free room for J.R.'s birthday, sounds good to me!!

Other than that, no real big plans. I need to find my motivation so I can get this place cleaned up! Thank goodness it's not even 10 am yet.

Life has so many ups and downs anymore. I think it is finally starting to fall into place for us. We are really working on a lot of different things, and life seems to be getting a little calmer. We received news of a fantastic opportunity housing wise. We were in contract to purchase a home as of a year ago. The house had a lot of potential, but we didn't know that it had a lot of problems (or how deep the problems went). Unfortunately, the house was to be condemned by the city. (Yeah, I don't even know where to start) The living room wall had moisture in the walls (presumably from the a/c unit) in which it started to mold and cave in. We found several openings, so I think it was much deeper than just the a/c unit. The floor in the bathroom caved in, causing the toilet and tub to sink. (Yes, how awesome right) We had problems with plumbing and pipes which were fixed (supposedly) under our contract with a company. The company also ripped out walls from bathroom to guest room and did nothing to put them in order. (Which we were told they would) We have since gotten out of the contract and had the city and an attorney involved. J.R.'s grandmother and uncle shared a house not too far from where we were living. His Uncle suffered many strokes and his grandmother had alzheimer's. Both were moved to a nursing home. The house was offered to us for free for now, (minus paying utilities/taxes/insurance) and in 4-5 years we would be allowed to purchase it. We love this house and the yard! It has a huge fenced in yard that the dogs absolutely love! This was a great opportunity for us to save us and purchase a house. That being said, We have so many projects that we are ready to tackle. The biggest fun has been decided to redo the kitchen. I have started a life binder. Many of the ladies that I chat/post with on the nest, have organizational binders. I have created my own, with awesome printables from other sites. The more we dealve into the binder, I will add sites and give credit to where I got all the items from. J.R. has been at his job now for 90 days and gets insurance this week, woohoo! I have PASSED my registry test, so I'm officially registered and have lovely letters behind my name at work :) That's about the exciting stuff that's going on in our worlds. I will start posting more with our projects and stuff going on, I hope. Happy Birthday today to JR!!!