Happy Birthday, Dad!

I always thought it'd get easier with time. It never does. It just seems to fade away a little bit. It still feels like it's happening today. The pain and heartache never really go away, I just somehow push it aside. I have to, to be able to live my life. Sometimes, I feel guilty for doing that. I haven't forgotten. I never will. I rather hurt, than feeling nothing at all.

It hits at the weirdest moments. Things I'd never expect remind me of you. Truth be told, I never thought it'd affect me as much as it does. I still feel anger. I still feel hurt. I still feel regret and guilt. Will that ever go away?

I wish you were here. I wish you could see how much things have changed since you left us. Would you be happy to see all the changes I've made in my life? You'd laugh at Bryson. I know you'd be proud of him. He's amazing and teaches us so much in life. I wish he had the chance to know you. I wish you would have been there to walk me down the aisle like we planned. It made me so sad that you weren't there. I wish that you could see Ollie. I know you'd have fun playing with him, too. I would give anything to hear you call the cat a "zero and to get out of your way". You always said you hated that cat, but you didn't really. I wish you were here so Mom wouldn't be lonely. I hate seeing her in pain. She puts on a good front, though. Tries to pretend that she's really happy... but I know she isn't. I pushed her into moving to Texas so that she could focus on helping with Bryson. She needs to know that it's OK to be happy. We made the decision to come, too... so it'd be easier. But it hasn't been. I wouldn't say it's the worst decision we've ever made... but I don't know if it was the right decision.

I often wonder what advice you'd give me now. Would you really be proud of me now? Some days, I feel on top of the world. Little things happen, knock me down. I guess you have to fall on your face a few times, before you can really stand tall. I found a better job, although it's had its moments. I am going back to school. I bet you never thought that'd happen. Sometimes I'm not always happy with my life. I made a lot of stupid decisions in the past, but I try to strive as hard as I can to make it what I want now. You taught me that. I just wish you were here to see the person I am now.

Have you heard that song, "Only you can love me this way" by Keith Urban? You'd like it. It makes me think of you.

I talk about you a lot, it helps me. I never know when people might get sick of it, and tell me to stop. I've been doing it less and less lately.

We've become pro-active in helping with Cancer and Leukemia research. I feel that it isn't ever really enough, though. I wish you would have fought harder. Sometimes, I think you gave up way too easy. I wish I knew what all was going through your mind at the time? Why you chose certain options? Why you chose this or that? I'll never know those answers.

I wish you were here.

Battleship USS Texas!

On Sunday, since J.R.'s parents and brother were down to visit, we decided to take a little drive down to La Porte, Texas. Home of Battleship USS Texas and Monument. J.R. and his Dad were both in the Navy, and David is a history buff so this was a good idea! It was kind of cool to see all of it. Pat and I stayed behind and let the boys go on the ship. It was a beautiful day out!

The monument was huge! Surrounding it - is prairie grass! They had signs stating that they let the grass grow tall to preserve a natural state like the old days.

Just a few feet ahead, there was another sign that said to "watch out for wildlife" then we see this guy. Is that what they meant by wildlife? LOL.

J.R. and his Dad were being silly. Here is Navy Seaman J.R. and Captain Al!

Afterwards, we were kinda thirsty and put SONIC in the Garmin. It made us take the Ferry across. Which was a pretty cool experience if you've never had to do that before! The GPS was making us laugh since it showed us directly on the water.

Pat, Al, and David come to visit.

J.R.'s Dad - Al and his wife, Pat, and J.R.'s brother - David came to visit us from Lenexa, Kansas. They came in on Friday and stayed until Monday morning. We were very happy to see them! We did a lot of sight seeing. On Saturday, we went to Galveston for Oktoberfest. We weren't all that impressed, though. It ended up just being a few booths with arts and crafts, German food, Beer, and a polka band. Not a lot to the whole thing either. To the left, you'll see the German outfitted dancers, haha... and David wasn't really thrilled either.

We stopped by the beach in Galveston, walked on the beach and gathered shells, played in the sand, drove around a bit, stopped in Kemah. We ate at Landry's (Kami's favorite) right by the ocean in Galveston.

We wrote our names in the sand, and did all that goofy romantic stuff. I saw a dead crab, and picked up some cool shells. J.R. wasn't all into that, but I was! A lot of the beach and area around it, is still picking up after Hurricane IKE. We saw a truck that was on (what was left of it anyway) a pier. I wonder where it came from, how exactly it got there, and if people just gave up looking for it?

Before/After Living room

I fixed the curtains. I went and bought some new sheers, to replace the cream/beige curtains that were in the living room.




BEFORE:






















AFTER:

I kept the burnt orange/rust sheer behind, replaced the outside curtains and drape swag.

Notice Sushi behind the new curtains. "You can't see me!"

Redecorating... Part 1.

I bought my old sofa prior to moving into a new apartment in like 2007. It sits really low and is hard to get out of sometimes, so we decided to get a new sofa when we moved into our new house in Texas.

Old Sofa - Don't mind all the boxes and stuff everywhere. This was when we first were moving in.

After searching for quite awhile, I finally found a sofa that I really liked at a furniture store in Clear Lake. It was a completely different color and scheme but it was a good price and what I was looking for.

We ended up moving the older sofa into the master bedroom because we had room for it, and wanted sort of a sitting area near the tv in there. Might try selling it later. I felt like the rug really didn't match the color of the sofa, too much black. I was going for kind of a black and white theme with subtle cream and what not tied in when we lived in our apartment in Kansas.

We were talking about colors, and thought maybe a rust orange and other browns would fit well with this sofa. The wall is a weird tan/brown color. We found some pillows that were pretty.

Also bought a new rug to match a little better. I realize that the coffee tables don't match well - but that's another shopping trip. We're looking for an espresso colored leather ottoman. Maybe one that you can flip the top to be trays. I haven't really found one that I like yet. There was one at Target but it sits lower and was too small. This project has been ongoing... eventually we'll get there.

I also bought a new bedset at Anna's Linens. (Where I also got the smaller solid colored pillows. Got the bigger one at Big Lots). I am working on the bedroom. We finished the dining room... but those will have to be posts for later. Since, I got the new bedset and they were running a deal for light blocking curtains at Anna's - I bought chocolate colored curtains for the Master bedroom. The curtains I had in there were also light blocking curtains, that I am positive - must be defective. They don't block anything! I work overnights, so I sleep during the day. These curtains left the room bright. The new ones I got from Anna's Linens were about half the price of one panel that I got at Wal-Mart. They make the room almost pitch black. I love it! Anyway, so I thought since we're going for a browns/oranges type theme, that the older ones might work in the living room. Especially, since there were only mini blinds there. So I hung those up. Bought a double rod set and rust colored sheers to go behind with a dark brown swag. The cream is too bright. It just doesn't go. Also, we think it makes the living room too dark. I like sunshine in the common areas when I'm awake! So, here are the curtains... I know the swag looks a little weird - I am going to take it back and see if they have a longer one. I thought this would work, but it's too short.

I need some help with the curtains! I will move a set of the cream ones into the guestroom. Probably will purchase new ones. Was thinking maybe a blue (like the blue in the rug) or chocolate brown sheers. What do you think? Keep the rust sheers behind a maybe the blue or chocolate? And should I keep the swag, or leave it off?

Redecorating, trips, and the like.

I forget to blog sometimes. I think about it, then I go to do it, get sidetracked and completely forget. I apologize.

Not a lot new here, things are working out better this time around. I finally received a paycheck from my employer. I am still filing a case against them, but I still have a job. So - that part is good, I suppose. I've committed to covering Thursdays and Fridays at the hospital. I will eventually add another day in there but I am not sure about the hospital or at another lab.

J.R. has been working really long hours, and hasn't been real happy with his job. He applied at a few places, and wants to work at a dealership again. He received a call back and had an interview at a Nissan dealership in Stafford. He was told he would be hired, they are just waiting on results for background, drug test, etc. It will be a pay-cut, but he will be working 40 hours. With the job he is at presently - he was "there"60 hours a week and only getting paid flag hours - so barely hitting 32 hrs sometimes. So this will work out a little better, we hope. Only time will tell.

My classes are going well. I was kind of worried about my contemporary business communication class. I guess I thought it might be boring. So far - I LOVE it. This is mostly set up online, so I can log on when it's convenient for me. I've written a couple papers for this class, and received a "Substantive" stamp on both of the assignments. Which makes me feel awesome! It means I have found something I can excel in, while I know that might sound kinda silly to others - it's just weird to me that something I thought I'd have no real interest in, just happens to go well.

It's been super rainy here lately. Our backyard is definitely looking awful. It's so wet, so it's muddy and sloshy in spots where it downpours off the hot tub hut and the shed. It has ruined the grass and the ants are worse than ever. I am not sure what we are going to do about it. We've come up with a couple plans. The biggest one that everyone has voted on so far, was to put cement blocks like a walkway around the little hut. That way - the rain hits off something else other than the same spot all the time. I am not sure if it'll work, so we're looking at all options.

Bryson goes back to the hospital for a little stay coming up soon. He has made so much progress with the physical therapy, that we hope this round of chemo won't take that away from him. He has worked so hard! He received his ankle braces this week, finally. He was able to stand with a little help for the first time! We are really excited that with some more work, he'll be able to bear weight on his hips and ankles so that he'll crawl or walk. Poor little guy has been through so much, but he is quite the trooper. He sure knows how to make his Aunt's heart melt.

J.R.'s Dad - Al, Stepmom - Pat, and brother - David are coming to visit us next weekend. We are really excited about that. They will be our first houseguests since moving down here. Well, Aunt Marsha helped us move and she stayed a couple nights, but since then we haven't had anyone. We've got a couple little trips planned. Hopefully to NASA at Al's request, and to Kemah Boardwalk and Galveston. Not sure what else.

We are planning on coming up for the holidays, just have to work all the details out. We sure do miss home, but getting acquainted with a new life in Texas. I've been decorating a lot. We got some new things for the living room. New rug, new pillows, put up curtains, etc. Since we bought a new sofa, the decor didn't match the new as well as it did the old. So I had to buy new things to match! haha. It's a lot of fun to be able to do that.

Well that's pretty much all that's going on here... til next time.