Thyroid conditions, lay offs, doctor appointments, the holidays...

What a wild last few weeks it's been. Lots happening around here.

Unfortunately, the company I was working for decided to close all the labs and offices in the south Texas region. Therefore, a layoff was implemented, in which I was included. I guess I should have seen it coming with all the financial issues we were having, and going weeks without paychecks. I was promoted two weeks prior to this layoff/closing, to a DME specialist. To help sort things out in the Sugar Land office and get it back on it's feet. I got the OK to order masks and start bringing in patients to set them up with their cpap masks and machines. I don't understand it all, to be honest. The idea of closing could not have been a split second decision. If it wasn't - then why did they decide to let me order masks or talk about laundry billing, etc. I wouldn't have gone to all that trouble for nothing. I was crushed. I was pissed. Now, it just sorta seems to be a blessing in disguise.

Texas is not home. We moved here to help out with Bryson, and be close to my family. Big jobs with big pay and a new house... all that just doesn't seem worth it when you're not happy. I love my nephew to pieces and I would do anything for that kid. But - I think the best decision for J.R. and I is to move back to Kansas. We can still come visit and be here for Bryson. We don't have many friends here and I miss my friends from home so badly... I miss being able to hang out with them and to call them up and really be there for each other. We don't really do anything, traffic is so bad that I can't really even go outside our little area without major anxiety (Thanks to the 7 car fire pile up in Oklahoma in March 09)... Its just not all worth it anymore. It makes me sad that we have to leave and give up, but I know being back in Kansas is where we're supposed to be. That's where we're both happy. I miss my friends, I miss my old life and the comforts I had there. I don't know how it's going to go just yet, but we'll figure it out.

I have been having a few health issues lately. Extreme case of anxiety when driving on certain interstates and roads. I have a huge fear of replaying the accident in Oklahoma. That was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to go through it again. The traffic here is tolerable to certain areas of Houston. But when it comes to I-45 or to rush hour - I freak out. It's literally bumper to bumper most times, and no real time to react if accidents happen. People here are idiots when it comes to driving. Me first mentality and I hate it! I see a bunch of cars stopped and I get scared. I was never like that in Kansas City. I noticed I'm a little more cautious after the accident... but seriously, after being stuck in a fire, with no vehicle, and left stranded on the interstate while no one really cares about your safety, I can't bear the thought of going through that again.

I lose my cool too much anymore. I get dizzy and lightheaded easily. Easily irritated. Frequent headaches. Frequent muscle pain. I can't sleep well anymore. I've gained weight, no energy, I even have tried watching foods, changing habits, exercising and nothing changes. Could I do more? Sure! But, I don't know. Someday I want a family - there are things in the way of that at the moment. Basically every symptom on a checklist - I have. I went to the doctor Monday, and she had blood draws and UA set up to test me for a few things, mainly hypothyroidism. That would explain a lot. She seemed pretty sure, but wanted to test to be positive. After that, I'll go in next week for another appointment to discuss results and come up with a plan. I hope that we can figure out something... I need changes... major changes in my life.

I am excited for the holidays, and going back up home. Mom planned a huge Thanksgiving lunch with Stephanie, Tim, Bryson, my biological father Kenton, and us. We made several pies, cornbread, and other things today and will finish the rest tomorrow.
Christmas is just around the corner, and I am so excited to decorate and get ready!

Lifestyle Changes

I made a decision to really make a big effort to try to lose weight. Sure, I've said it before... but I really need to do something now. It's getting ridiculous. I see pictures of when I was in high school or even in my early 20's - and to think that I thought I was huge then - I'd kill to be that size again! I guess after you get married, you sort of live fat and happy as the saying goes. I don't really have to impress anyone anymore, so I just do whatever. Which is sad! I should want to look good for my husband, too! I've just gotten so used to a life of convenience, I guess. Ever since we've moved to Texas, I've at least made the committment to cook more, so we would stop eating out as much. I also switched my work schedule to days now, since I accepted a new position. That seems to keep me pretty busy so I'm not bored. I eat when I get bored. It's the cure for everything. An emotional eater.

I hardly have time to sit and have dinner when I get home from work, do homework, and still try to get at least 6 hours of sleep before getting up and doing it all over. School work is suffering. I always manage to get it done before the due date, but it never gets the full attention that it did when I was working nights. I hope that doesn't last forever. Hopefully, the more I get used to the position - the easier this will become to adjust to a whole new lifestyle.

This week has been a stepping stone to greatness. (Or something like that anyway) I eat a light breakfast. I don't snack. Occassionally, if I'm really hungry - I might get a cheese stick or a 90 calorie pack. I eat lunch - usually something low fat. A lean cuisine meal, or a turkey sandwich. I cut out a lot of the soda and trying to drink mostly water. I bought "baby" cans of diet coke this week. They are 8oz cans, so that I get a little caffiene, but not a 2 liter of soda. I don't need that! We try to eat a sensible meal. Usually with more vegetables and less meat. We've cut back to turkey products, a little chicken, or 93% lean beef. I really need to incorporate more fish. J.R. isn't a big fan of seafood - so that makes it a little more difficult. I've been really good at finding recipes and making him try new things, haha.

The next big step that I need to make is to exercise more. Take the dog for a walk. He needs it, too. I am just so tired all the time now. I'll work on that!

I am really happy, I love that I'm not as hungry as I was. Staying busy makes a huge difference. We always celebrated with food when I was a kid. Birthdays, special events, congratulations, family gatherings, etc. Always revolved around food. I've got to make a committment and really stick to it.

It's November!

It's finally November. It's starting to cool down a little here. Not near what it's like back in Kansas, though. I am getting pretty excited about Christmas just around the corner. We're not going to make a trip up to Kansas for Thanksgiving. We have decided we'll just wait til Christmas, and spend some extra time up there. I'm thinking of ideas for gifts, and I've come up with a few cool ones. We'll see. I can't believe how many people I've heard say that they are already have most of their shopping done! I'm a last minute gift giver, I suppose. I should be doing this all year round! J.R. and I decided that we're going to make it a tradition every year, to go get our pictures taken for our Christmas cards. We could just use wedding pictures, but this will be more fun, haha. Grammie is back from Missouri, so Bryson came over to visit Saturday. We had a lot of fun with some new toys. I'm going to try to post a video below. He's doing well, he is crawling all over the place now! It's only a matter of time, before he walks. He jabbers like crazy, too! I am so thankful that he is doing well. This kid loves Yo Gabba Gabba. It's kind of a weird cartoon, but sometimes hilarious. I enjoy watching it even when Bryson isn't here. HA.