Thyroid conditions, lay offs, doctor appointments, the holidays...

What a wild last few weeks it's been. Lots happening around here.

Unfortunately, the company I was working for decided to close all the labs and offices in the south Texas region. Therefore, a layoff was implemented, in which I was included. I guess I should have seen it coming with all the financial issues we were having, and going weeks without paychecks. I was promoted two weeks prior to this layoff/closing, to a DME specialist. To help sort things out in the Sugar Land office and get it back on it's feet. I got the OK to order masks and start bringing in patients to set them up with their cpap masks and machines. I don't understand it all, to be honest. The idea of closing could not have been a split second decision. If it wasn't - then why did they decide to let me order masks or talk about laundry billing, etc. I wouldn't have gone to all that trouble for nothing. I was crushed. I was pissed. Now, it just sorta seems to be a blessing in disguise.

Texas is not home. We moved here to help out with Bryson, and be close to my family. Big jobs with big pay and a new house... all that just doesn't seem worth it when you're not happy. I love my nephew to pieces and I would do anything for that kid. But - I think the best decision for J.R. and I is to move back to Kansas. We can still come visit and be here for Bryson. We don't have many friends here and I miss my friends from home so badly... I miss being able to hang out with them and to call them up and really be there for each other. We don't really do anything, traffic is so bad that I can't really even go outside our little area without major anxiety (Thanks to the 7 car fire pile up in Oklahoma in March 09)... Its just not all worth it anymore. It makes me sad that we have to leave and give up, but I know being back in Kansas is where we're supposed to be. That's where we're both happy. I miss my friends, I miss my old life and the comforts I had there. I don't know how it's going to go just yet, but we'll figure it out.

I have been having a few health issues lately. Extreme case of anxiety when driving on certain interstates and roads. I have a huge fear of replaying the accident in Oklahoma. That was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to go through it again. The traffic here is tolerable to certain areas of Houston. But when it comes to I-45 or to rush hour - I freak out. It's literally bumper to bumper most times, and no real time to react if accidents happen. People here are idiots when it comes to driving. Me first mentality and I hate it! I see a bunch of cars stopped and I get scared. I was never like that in Kansas City. I noticed I'm a little more cautious after the accident... but seriously, after being stuck in a fire, with no vehicle, and left stranded on the interstate while no one really cares about your safety, I can't bear the thought of going through that again.

I lose my cool too much anymore. I get dizzy and lightheaded easily. Easily irritated. Frequent headaches. Frequent muscle pain. I can't sleep well anymore. I've gained weight, no energy, I even have tried watching foods, changing habits, exercising and nothing changes. Could I do more? Sure! But, I don't know. Someday I want a family - there are things in the way of that at the moment. Basically every symptom on a checklist - I have. I went to the doctor Monday, and she had blood draws and UA set up to test me for a few things, mainly hypothyroidism. That would explain a lot. She seemed pretty sure, but wanted to test to be positive. After that, I'll go in next week for another appointment to discuss results and come up with a plan. I hope that we can figure out something... I need changes... major changes in my life.

I am excited for the holidays, and going back up home. Mom planned a huge Thanksgiving lunch with Stephanie, Tim, Bryson, my biological father Kenton, and us. We made several pies, cornbread, and other things today and will finish the rest tomorrow.
Christmas is just around the corner, and I am so excited to decorate and get ready!